


Do You See?

by Kt_fairy



Series: Like real people do [8]
Category: Actor RPF
Genre: Body Dysmorphic Disorder, Comfort, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Nightmares, implied mental health issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-24
Updated: 2015-01-24
Packaged: 2018-03-08 21:37:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,395
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3224336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kt_fairy/pseuds/Kt_fairy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lee has legitimate worries, Richard will be worried on his days off, and being immersed in the complicated darkness of a character does not have to mean you become them.</p>
<p>If Richard insists on getting cast in Hannibal then I will insist on doing a literary fist pump / 'oh shit'.<br/>(The additional tag's are TW's for things implied once or twice in the fic, mainly character related, and nothing is gone into detail.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Do You See?

**Author's Note:**

> There are some v-minor Red Dragon spoilers.
> 
> I own nothing but the florid prose and plot.

Lee was blushing.

 It took a moment of dumb staring, the middle of his sentence failing into the rhythmic static of the rain on the windows, for Richard to process this. They were only running lines, practising his American accent before he began to overlay it with a speech impediment.  As far as he knew linguistics was not one of the many things that got Lee going and if it was the lines he was working his way through, well, Richard was never going to sleep again.

 “What?”

“Nothin’”

“Whaat?”

“You’re giving my mouth the intent stare.”

“Well I need to see…oh.”

   There was a niggle, a feeling he should be aware of something being wrong, that he should be doing something. Fingers pressed into his wrist as his hand was pulled down, Lee pushing his long body over the table to peck at his top lip. Richard remembered the hare lip that for now only existed in his mind, soon to be applied with prosthetics and, he hoped, would stop the unsettling sense that came on unnoticed every now and then that something was missing.

  Richard blinked at his hand, realising he had been pushing the knuckle of his index finger into his top lip and pressed both hands flat against the table top on either side of his script. It was not character bleed, he knew that all too well, just something which had stood out for him when reading the book. The slight divot of concern between Lee’s eyebrows faded as he smiled warmly, fingers inching in the direction of the ash tray next to him before returning to his script.

 “I was just looking at how you formed words. Not that you don’t have a lovely mouth…”

“I know. Don’t worry.”

 “You can have some if you want.” He nodded towards the unlit blunt propped up on the side of the glass bowl. Lee had been rolling one while waiting for Richard to find where he had left his scripts, his own prep sorted for Halt and Catch Fire, the calm the familiar task gave him more of a balm than actually smoking. The content of what they were reading, Richard guessed, had caused the unease that settled around Lee, made sharper by what happened earlier that day.

 “Nope, I’m good.” Lee said clearly, looking worried again for a moment. “Are you good?”

Richard resisted the urge to roll his eyes, fingers feeling twitchy but he forced his hands to be still. “I am fine, and I will be fine. Bryan will turn me into a flower crown before he lets me, or anyone, get too close… I’ve seen the show it’s the least creepiest thing he’ll have done.” Richard teased with a mocking shake of his head while Lee grinned at him, large hand slipping around Richard’s like it was his own.

 “I know you’ll be fine, just gave me a little scare is all.”

That was expected.

Richard was used to having some pretty nasty nightmares in character, especially the ones years ago where Lucas was being brutalized, every piece of his terror like a raw wound and Richard had not been able to scream himself awake because every muscle in him was clenched. This morning had been a little different as he had been distinctly aware of being awake as blood dripped down the walls and mirrored eyes looked at him from the dark corners of the room.  One day Richard toppling off the end of the bed followed by Lee scrambling up before crashing to the floor with his feet tangled in the sheets would be the rib hurting kind of hilarious. Today his horror and cold, sweating nausea was a little too close for there to be any humour in flailing limbs and Lee’s disorientated panic.

 “It doesn’t happen for very long.” Richard turned his hand palm up to squeeze Lee’s warm, dry hand. “I managed before you.”

“Not when you had this guy in your head.”

“Francis will calm down soon, the character will settle.”

“Not him I’m worried about.” Lee tapped the spare copy of the script Bryan had sent along with Richard’s. “It’s that you’re gonna have three people in your head and…” Lee took a deep breath and smiled his little affectionate smile with his eyebrows tilted over softening eyes that made Richard’s heart swell like the soppy teenager he most definitely was “…none of you are what I’d call sane.”

“Expert now, are you?”

“Yeah! I’m the one in love with you, so I am obviously the rational one where as you, darlin’, love me back and that’s plain nuts.”  Richard felt his ears burning and tried to shoot Lee a grumpy look. “Just don’t want you hurtin’ yourself.”

“Yoga, ice cream, and tea will get me through. I’ll only be doing it for a few weeks, won’t be stuck with him for years like I was Thorin and I coped then with not a sleeping pill or Valium in sight.” As soon as he said it Richard realised Lee had meant hurting himself with waking dreams, not the ever present worry most actors had about taking on roles like this when some of those who went before them ended up in the bottom of a bottle or dead in a hotel room.

 The only reaction from Lee was a tightening of his grip on Richard’s hand.

 “Lee…” _I’m not as much of a mental nightmare as I seem, it’s only a job- only acting, you know me I’m too boring to go out like that_ was what he was going to say, in some semblance of sense, but Lee cut in.

“I know that won’t happen. I _know_ it because I know you. I’ve had this silly concern at the back of my mind since Bryan first started raving to me about you, I knew you’d end up with this part…don’t you go and do anything stupid, I swear to Jesus I don’t know what I’d do.”

“Lee, shit…” Richard was half way around the table without even thinking about it, “Hey, don’t worry.” He was unsure how he was going to hug Lee while he was standing, opting for cupping his face in his hands until Lee worked it out for him and pulled him down so he was sat across strong leg’s with the table top digging into his back. “Don’t worry.” He pressed his lips to the warm skin of a cheek. “Thank you for worrying.” He ran his fingertips through Lee’s hair as long arms tightened around him, the clouds dispersing from Lee’s face. “Despite what even I think, I do know when I need to stop and go do something stupid…”

“Eat a whole litre of ice cream stupid or shoot Orlando with a nerf gun stupid?”

Richard leant back slightly to look Lee properly at the strained grin on his face, the table digging further into his back. “I was thinking more along the lines of hooking up with a silly, massive, sunshine man?”

“I like that idea.” Lee pressed his cheek against Richard’s sternum. “But not if you’re off to find a new one.”

“Nah, this one is still working perfectly.”

“Dam right I am.”

 An arm curled over Richard’s legs, the other making it’s way across his back to press him even tighter against Lee. Something about this made him feel uncomfortable, not stifled or trapped and needing to flee, just that he was closer than he should be. Richard knew it showed in his eyes when his mind strayed to how much closer they had both been, skin on skin and into the warmth of one another.

“Was this…” Richard cleared his throat. “Was this a cunning plan to get me in your lap?”

“No?” Lee said with utter seriousness before turning his face up to look at Richard with content eyes. “Little bit, I felt like we needed cuddles but didn’t wanna, yanno, crowd you.”

“…’ _we’_ needed cuddles’?”

“You heard me.” The cheeky grin grew until his eyes were creased and sparkling as Richard let out a long deep sigh, rolling his eyes dramatically. “Oh shush, grumpy old man. As long as your squishy butt is sat on me I’ll say what I like.”

“My what?”

“Weelll, yeah okay. It’s not so squishy anymore,” Richard tensed slightly as long fingers cupped his bottom, “but I loved that just as much as I love the one I can bounce dollar bills off.”

  “I’m going back to work.”

“Noooo.” He felt the tug on the back of his shirt from Lee gripping it to hold him in place. “Stay!”

“Okay, let’s go to the couch then.”

“You won’t get any lines read, or be able to stare intently at my lips…no, no stop!” Richard had trailed his hands down from fiddling with soft hair to scrub his fingers into Lee’s armpits.  “Dammit!” Lee squirmed, trying to trap his hands by jamming his arms against his sides but Richard was too quick, snatching his hands away to hold vengeful squirming fingers at bay.

“We can’t _\- stop wiggling_! We can’t do both, love.” He pressed his forehead against Lee’s. “Don’t get scatty on me now, Pace!”

 “Just, I won’t tickle you, promise...just stay here for a bit and then we’ll go back to running lines.”

“Okay.”  Lee getting numb legs would lead to minor complaining later on, but long arms were wrapped securely around him and Richard knew he would not care. “I’ll be worrying about you being in Georgia worrying about me in Toronto now, look what you did.” He sighed with a smile, making himself sound put upon, and Lee sighed back in the same joking tone.

 “Good lord, we’ve become one of those couples…” Silence sat easily with them for a long moment, the rain subsiding to just a heavy pattering, Lee breaking it with a quiet. “I’ll miss you, and I love you.”

Richard gave him a squeeze, pressing his face into Lee’s hair. “I love you too… Lee, I look at it like this. He’s a forty-something who spends all his free time working out, had no sexual confidence, has some bloody dark recesses, and hates his face. If I can deal with myself I can deal with him.”

 That was something he had been mulling on for a while, knowing it was not entirely true in words but in essence it was concrete. Working out had always been something he hated because of his vanity yet liked because he did not always like himself, his sexual confidence had grown but was nowhere near Lee’s self-acceptance, and he did not hate his face all the time.  For something that he had owned for quite a while it was now very hard to admit. Having to psyche himself up to look at his own face in the mirror was his point of access into Dolarhyde, bringing back the loneliness that came with hating how you looked without reprieve.

 It also upset Lee more often than not, a stubborn little pout taking up on his mouth and a determination in his eyes to blast it away that quite often lead to sex. But not today, being thoroughly fucked by your boyfriend was not the best prep for this role.

 Lee eventually let it slide today, pout evening as he poked Richard in the ribs. “You fucking _hate_ going to the gym you liar! Hey, remember that time Jed came 'round to offer us a ride and you were lying on your floor refusing to go?”

“Yeah, I hold onto that moment of freedom whenever I’m being made to do cardio.”

“Not my cardio training, you love my cardio training.” Lee purred, tipping his chin up for a kiss Richard was happy to provide. “What get’s me through is when I was doing crunches and every time I sat up I got a kiss…”

“Hate to say but I don’t think that was me.”

“Yeah it was! I know your lip’s Armitage, even if you don’t!”

Richard curled himself over to kiss Lee long and slow, pulling back for a moment before letting himself be pulled back in again. “Were those my lips?” He whispered against Lee’s.

“Mmmm, yeah they were…wait, no I need another one to make sure!”

Richard threw his head back and laughed. “Too late.” He said, twisting to grab Lee’s copy of his script. “I’ve got work to do.”

“Aww, it’s for science!”

Richard laughed and he felt like his body fit his bones again, a thing he was so used to now it was no longer unusual. He gave Lee a long slow kiss, no longer pausing to realise how easily he could give them now, smacking the script against Lee's chest and standing out of momentarily loosened arms before he could react.

  The expression of blissful contentment and adoration was still on Lee’s grinning face, propped up on the palm of his hand, when Richard sat back down on the opposite side of the table. He smiled back, knowing it was a silly one and his cheeks were burning but it only made Lee grin wider.

“How do we ever get anything done?”

“I know! Not like we do a lot day to day. Exercise, eat, read, and fuck.”

Richard picked up his pen, spinning it around his fingers. “Speak for yourself!” he said as he flicked back a few pages and bent to begin making notes in the margins of the script, “I can also write.” He dodged the stationary flung at his shoulder, “Come on and repeat after me, D-O-G spells dog.”

 “Fuck you.”

“F-U-C-K-Y-O-U.”

“Richard…”

“R-I-C…”

“Look you, continued teasing like this end’s in us both getting’ shown a good time and we both know it ain’t happening unt…”

“Alright, alright, okay. After I wrap and when I get the feeling of fake teeth out of my mouth and you get back from the bloody fifties, i'll ' _show you a good time_ '.” Richard glanced up at Lee who had paused mid rant, finger of joking accusation hanging in mid air as a dirty look flashed across his face.

 “Alriiight.” Lee neatened his copy of the script, putting his weight on his crossed arms to lean over it, wiggling his butt in his chair. “Let’s get back to business.”

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Muchas gracias to hobbitjt on tumblr for the pep talk.


End file.
